Just finished Ishiguro’s Never Let Me Go (so mild spoilers ahead), and as I often like to do after turning the last page of a book, decided to look up some reviews to see what other people thought (I tend to read more reviews after I’ve read a book than before I buy one).

It didn’t take long to find someone pushing my geek buttons. Saying they don’t read science fiction because they only read books ‘based in reality’.

What do they think Never Let Me Go is? It may be marketed as literary fiction, but the story uses science that isn’t in use yet (cloning humans specifically, I mean), and takes place in a universe that clearly isn’t exactly the same as our own. If not classic ‘rockets in space’ science fiction, it is most certainly Speculative Fiction.

And what does ‘based in reality’ mean? Never Let Me Go may feature many elements of the world we recognise today, with characters that talk in contemporary voices, but it is still a step removed from reality.

There’s nothing wrong with that. All fiction is a ‘what-if’.

But it annoys the shit out of me that people think science fiction/speculative fiction/fantasy fiction is irrelevant because it’s not ‘real’. The sheer brilliance of all books on that spectrum is that they can use different times/worlds/scenarios/science to explore the human condition. Using a backdrop that isn’t this world often throws the spotlight on very real thoughts and emotions.

What the reviewer above probably meant is that they prefer near-future SF that is extrapolated from the science we already have today, but still…

As for the book, I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Frustrated at the characters. The world-building is a bit thin. But I tore through it, and it’s definitely thought-provoking.

This post is a work in progress, but I think I will keep it up and live while I work on it.

I keep meaning to do a big post on motherhood, then I don’t quite get around to it. In general, I think it’s a subject that doesn’t require much blogging. Those with kids or a particular interest in mine will already understand my feelings. Those who don’t care don’t need me to expand on my thoughts here. But…

This is the thing: my son has to have an operation and I’m terrified.

He is fifteen months old and the op is a very minor keyhole surgery-type op. But he needs a general anesthetic. And because of his age, he is being treated at Great Ormond Street (a well-known hospital especially for kids). I am so scared I’m going to lose him.

I want to say he’s my whole world, but I have a loving husband and parents and friends, so that’s not quite right. But it feels like he’s my whole world, my whole heart.

I don’t think I can live without him. What if my decision for him to have this operation results in something awful happening? It needs to be done for his quality of life, but ultimately it was my decision.

I don’t think I know how to go on unless he is in my life.

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I didn’t realise parenthood means that your heart runs around independent of you. My happiness relies on this one little person staying safe.

I wish I had more children. Not because then I’d have a spare. God, what an awful thought. But I feel very vulnerable having all my love and fear focused on this one little boy.

I love him so much.

He will be fine. He has to be fine. It’s a tiny, minor op. Chances are he will be in much riskier positions in future. I hope so. He needs a future.

I hope he knows how much he is loved. I believe he’s already made a mark on the world. His smile touches people.

I have never loved so hard until now.

Usually when I disappear for a bit, it’s because I’ve been sidetracked away from the world of writing. Not so much this time, although there is a little bit of that perhaps.

I saw the Samhain open call for superhero stories and had something I could revise for it so took a few weeks out from regular novel editing to get stuck into that instead.

For once I actually finished something and sent it out – only to get a form rejection a few days later, alas. However it was a good experience for me to complete something and polish it up – makes me feel like I’ve actually *done* something rather than just talk about it.

Now of course I have to go back to the novel editing. I’m entering that phase of not being super enthused about it again – absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder.

Perhaps it’s because many writers go through this in the course of writing a book, or perhaps it’s because I read something about paranormals not being particularly hot in the UK right now.

I don’t think you should write specifically to hit a hot market sector, but at the same time you can’t get away from the fact that it’s harder to sell something that’s going a bit cold. Good stuff does rise up and get published anyway most of the time, so I’ll have to hope for the best. It would help if I wrote a damn good book

Keep running out of time to blog lately – I am not doing well with my goals. I’m still editing, but it’s going slower than I wanted. One positive out of it is that I’ve thought of a couple of clever ways to fill plot holes that I didn’t realise were there until very recently. It does mean I’ve got a fair bit of new writing to add to the WIP, but I think it will pay off.

Will try to think of something witty and scintillating to post over the weekend… yeah, wish me good luck on that one!

I’ve entered this crazy editing phase during which I’m overcome with enthusiasm (though I am not necessarily working noticeably quicker) and all I want to do is race through the book and get to the end.

Whoa there! There is too much story and way too many corrections to make to let that happen.

My current pace might be a tad frustrating at times, but I just have to remind myself that getting it right, at this stage, is far more important than simply getting it done (the opposite is true while writing a first draft).

I need to slow down, focus and use my excitement to drive steadily through the project.

Now to take that in and act on it.

Ahh, the joys and hardships of looking after a baby while your partner is away. I honestly don’t know how single parents manage it. I know they just have to get on with it, but I admire them all the same.

This week my lovely husband is away at a work conference. It’s fine. I’m a grown up. I don’t mind being on my own. Still, the evenings can be tough. My son is not a good sleeper at the best of times, and when you know you’re the only person in the house – the only one who’s there to answer his cries and rock him back to sleep, you can really feel the pressure – right on your chest, like someone of some substantial weight is sitting on you.

My main goal in weeks like these is just to get him to sleep long enough so I can eat a hot dinner in peace. Anything extra after that is a bonus.

So far, tonight is a good one (a relief after yesterday, when he wouldn’t settle at all and was zooming around the living room from 9 to 10pm). I might even get some writing in

I wish I could like getting them more than I do.

They are so helpful. Invaluable in getting a fresh perspective. I truly appreciate the time and effort people put in when they read my work.

And yet…

While I’m waiting for the responses to come in, I spent 90% of my time cringing in anticipation.

I’ve got to get better at this.

To-do list

1.) Blog more

2.) Be funnier (or even funny at all would help)

3.) Post more non-writing stuff

4.) Find more blogs to follow and link to

5.) Polish at least two chapters of RW this week

6.) Do some crits

7.) Be nicer

8.) List stuff on eBay until house is tidy

9.) Tidy house

10.) Do freelance work on time…

I’m a firm believer in getting time and space away from the keyboard

Of course sometimes, you’ve just got to force yourself into that chair, strap your hands to the keyboard and force out words or plot. But if you focus on this method alone, you can end up stalled and frustrated.

I’ve had some of my best moments of inspiration while in the shower, cooking dinner, or while out for a walk.

Take last week, for instance. On my way home from meeting some other mums in the area, I was mentally wrestling with a problem that’s been there since the beginning in my current WIP – why is it so hard for the main character to return home after a long absence? I couldn’t come up for a reason for leaving in the first place that would damage her relationship with her friend, make it hard to come back, and yet not make her utterly dislikeable. I needed a reason readers could buy into, but not something so obvious as being uncomfortable about her (male) friend’s feelings for her.

As I was walking the solution (almost) literally popped into my head – it felt that violent and sudden. HERE IS YOUR ANSWER, it said. I won’t go into detail here in case I change my mind, but it fits the story and the characters perfectly. If I hadn’t gone for that walk, it might never have come to mind.

I do think it’s important to have regular writing time (I need to be a lot more discipline), but mental downtime is valuable too. It allows the mind to wander and breathe – and fix irritating plot holes.

As a writer, I’m not too worried about ageing. Plenty of writers make it in their forties, fifties, sixties and beyond. (Plus what counts as ‘making it’ seems to be changing.) Every year I age, I also get a bit more life and writing experience.

But I do wonder if it’s harder to bear in some of the other creative fields.

Obviously it depends very much on the person in question. A musician I know made me ponder this. Much as I sometimes dream of writing a best-seller (even though I’m happy just writing at all), he dreams of breaking into the music industry. But he also knows – or at least says – that the older he gets, the harder and less likely it will be to pass. Whatever happens with my career, I can imagine my dream lasting until old age. He wonders if he’ll have the motivation to keep on playing once he reaches that point, once he knows a record contract is likely not on the horizon.

Artists probably fall onto the side of writers; actors onto the side of musicians. If part of your art means putting on a show, the people who pay for it are more likely to pay for youth, I suppose. Depressing or just a reason to focus ambition in another direction?

It’s part of the ‘do you write for money and/or recognition, or just for pleasure’ debate. I don’t write for money specifically, though it would be nice to have. Recognition would be nicer still. For me the attraction of publication is knowing that a gatekeeper (eg an editor/editorial team) has said my work is good – whereas no one has to do that if I self-publish. But I’d write regardless of all that.

Plus validation can come in other ways now. My friend the musician can find fans on facebook or myspace or whatever the next new music social networking site is. Plus there’s the simple joy of playing for friends/family or self.

Writers can engage in fanfic or self-publish via Lulu or Kindle. While some may turn their noses up at fanfic (or point out the copyright issues), there’s no denying that writers can easily find an audience through it – an audience that isn’t too fussy, no less. If success for some simply means entertaining a bunch of readers, fanfic can definitely count. Similarly, some self-published writers have found an audience through a combination of releasing a book on Kindle and good writing/clever marketing/excellent timing that means they storm up the charts.

For me, what counts as success means reaching a significant* audience, ideally via an editor of some description. Hopefully I’ll get there some day. And right now I feel lucky that in this industry, my age doesn’t count for nearly as much as it would elsewhere.

*No, I don’t know what this is